How I'm Becoming the Best Version of Myself: Spiritually

Before I jump into talking about my spiritual history, what the best version of myself spiritually looks like and what my goals are, I want to share that I do identify as a nondenominational Christian. To me, this means that I believe that Jesus died for my sins and in the bible but I also believe that different people interpret the bible differently and there are things that no longer apply today, otherwise we'd still be cutting people's fingers off for stealing. I have some beliefs that many Christians don't share, such as manifestation, psychic mediums, spirits, etc. I don't agree with any of the extra rules some denominations seem to create, nor do I agree with the hate and judgement that I feel many people who call themselves "Christians" demonstrate. I love and support people of all religions, political parties, genders, nationalities, races, sexualities, etc. as long as you're a good person and I don't think it's necessary for us to share the same beliefs to love and respect one another. With that being said, let's get into it!

I was raised in a Southern Baptist Christian family, but the beliefs and "customs" were never forced upon me by my family. I was lucky enough to be able to form my own beliefs and opinions around religion from the start. That's not to say I was never around people who tried to force those things upon me. As someone who grew up in the Southern Baptist community, I can tell you that from my experience many people in it have very strong beliefs on how children should be raised and church politics (as I call it) along with being extremely judgmental. There were times I felt judged for not dressing up for church, missing services, not participating or being as involved as they thought I should be, etc. and it did put a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to Southern Baptist churches. As I got older and experienced different churches and denominations, I began to identify as nondenominational. I felt like I could relate to them because things were more laid back and everyone was just there to worship Jesus and learn, that's it. No extra rules and no feeling judged for anything.

As I got older my faith grew stronger with all of the experiences I've had and miracles I've witnessed. There have been times where my relationship with God was very strong and at the forefront of my mind and focus, and there have been times where I've turned away from God or been less focused on him. When I experienced that trauma that I talked about in my "How I Got Out of the Dark Hole of Depression and Anxiety" post, I was in such a dark place that I felt like God had abandoned me for the first time ever. I didn't understand how he could let that happen.

As much as I'd like to say that as I've healed and grown over the last few years, I've rebuilt my relationship with God, that's not the case. I feel like I have some sort of wall up and I haven't been able to figure out why. I'm not sure if I'm subconsciously still holding on to some anger or blame God or what. Over the years, I've tried going back to church a few times but each time I find myself either feeling disconnected or absolutely overcome with emotion.

I've recently decided that on my journey to becoming the best version of myself, I want to focus on rebuilding my relationship with God and growing my faith. This is going to be a hard one for me because I have to figure out why I have the walls up. I want to get to the point where I've let those walls down and let God back in. I want him and his plan for my life to guide me. I want to be a woman of faith who prays and leans on God when things are great and when they're not. I also want to be able to feel connected and feel God's presence in church again. That's what the future best version of me has accomplished.

In order to make that happen, of course I'm praying and asking God to help me let him in and keep my focus on him, but I have to meet him half way. After all, I know deep down that he never left me, I'm the one who turned away.

So here are my goals:

1. Keep a daily prayer journal. I find it easiest to pray in the form of writing.

2. Find a devotional and read it daily.

3. Find a new home church and attend every other Sunday.

Once I feel like I've let that wall down and rebuilt my relationship with God, I'll move on to new goals but for now I'm sticking with the basics!

What spiritual goals do you have for yourself? (They do not have to be Christian, I love learning about other people's beliefs!)